You know what I am tired...................so dam tired of letting my pride decide whats ok and what isnt. What I can say and what i shouldnt, what I can do and what I cant. Its time to let go and just say what it is that is tormenting me.

I love you HEATHER, I love you, I know I neither loved you like you wanted nor deserved but I love you none the less. You are the air that I need to wake to in the morning, you are my reason for getting out of bed, the very thing that makes my heart beat and my soul soar.

I am saying this without any riddled messages, any fancy slang, gibberish or fluff to give you any reason that it doesnt mean exactly what it says.

I dont know a whole lot bout being a good husband, God knows Ive failed at that, Im not the best provider, or friend, but I do know that when im with you I am a better person. What does that mean an why is it that every second without you is an eternity of utter pain???? I dont know and I know I have looked for the answers an all i can say is Im sorry!! Im sorry for failing you, hurting you, not letting you in, not loving you with all that I am, and not being there for you. I know i messed up and if I could I would spend my entire life making it right. I am not gunna dwell on the past, thats a waste of time and again Im sorry for doing so. You deserve much MUCH better than that and I so wanted to be the man to give it to you.

So there it is in black and white, laid out in front of me with open arms, tears falling, and heart exposed. No doubts, no blame, no buts, just a dumb boy that loves a girl.